Dakota's Home Birth

Dakota’s birth was immensely evolutionary and evocative. I birthed her into this world the way Mother Nature intended. No drugs. No bright lights. No institution. Peacefully. Intimately. Safely. This is my sacred rite of passage. This is my natural birth story.

Please note: I used Hypnobabies hypnobirthing techniques. I’ve been taught to use different vocabulary without negative connotation – “pressure waves” refers to contractions, and “birthing time” refers to labor.

I was 9 days past my “guess date”, so I went to see my midwife Liz at 11am on October 27, 2017 to get my progress checked. I was 3cm dilated, which surprised me because I hadn’t felt any pressure waves, only mild menstrual-like cramping. Knowing that my birthing time was near, I went home and practiced my hypnosis techniques.

At 4:15pm, I awoke from a deep hypnosis. As I got out of bed, fluids came rushing out. I wasn’t sure if I had peed all over myself, or if my water broke! I went to the bathroom and checked to see what happened down there – it was definitely the latter. I immediately called my Liz and told her what happened.

Click HERE to read the rest of Stephanie's beautifully written birth story and follow her for delicious, healthy recipes, and holistic living tips.

Lucy Mae's Birth

This is the story of Lucy Mae's birth. She is my fifth baby, second home birth, fourth VBAC, and third natural childbirth.

My pregnancy was really great and flew by so fast...maybe too fast. I could have been pregnant for another 6-8 weeks. I wasn't ready for this pregnancy to end. I love being pregnant. There is something so amazing and sacred about growing and carrying and feeling a baby inside you. It is truly beautiful and amazing. But the last couple weeks were tiring and emotional. I guess that's to be expected when you decide to move to a new house when you're nine months pregnant. So many people told me I was crazy for moving this closed to my "guess date." A friend said something really inspiring to me a few weeks before our move. She said, "You're brave." I held onto these words and every time I wanted to say, "This is crazy," I told myself that I was brave for trying to do what was best for my growing family. This move felt right to both Jake and me and I had to follow that.

The week that Lucy was born was so very busy. We finally signed on our house at the beginning of the week. The rest of the week was a whirlwind of arranging for the house to be cleaned (much more difficult than I thought it would be) and packing and moving things over to the new house. I truly thought we were ready to go, but we still had tons to do! On Thursday I woke up and had a lot of mucusy discharge. I knew this was pieces of my mucus plug. I didn't freak too much though because I know that this doesn't always mean birth is going to happen that day and frankly I had too much to think about to fret.

I took Ben to summer preschool and went to check on the house. The cleaners there cleaning. My mom had taken Sam with her earlier that morning to work on unpacking and organizing. They showed me the progress they had made and I felt relieved things were coming together so I went back home to get another load of boxes. Jake insisted that I take a break, so I did. I sat on the couch for almost an hour.

My sweet sitter had taken Jane and I had instructed her to pick up Ben from preschool and take the kids all day. She did an amazing job of keeping them entertained. She took them to the movies, the park, and probably a bunch of other activities I don't know about. She kept them fed, happy, and clean. Jackson had been away at Scout Camp since Monday and wouldn't be home until Saturday. It was a blessing that it worked out that way. He had been moping around since we told him we were moving and I was grateful he could spent the week with his friends.

I got a call from my mom around 10:30 a.m. saying the cleaners had left and hadn't finished cleaning! I was livid. I called the lady and she said she just didn't have time today but could come back later in the week to finish. I told her, it had to be done today and that I was due to have my baby in 5 days! Thankfully I was able to find a cleaning team to come last minute and finish the house. I went to my prenatal appointment. On the way up the steps to the Birth Sweet, I felt Lucy move down a little and I thought, "Woah, maybe this will be today!"

I vented all my house frustrations to Cyndi at my appointment. I was moving in just up the street from Cyndi and she had been driving by my house each day watching how slowly the previous owners were moving out. She had been a great listener throughout my pregnancy. This pregnancy had been great physically for me, but emotionally it had been difficult. It seemed like every appointment I was crying to her about something and she always listened without judgment and always with support. I am a firm believer that all those extra prenatal appointments towards the end of pregnancy are for women's emotional well being just as much as they are for our physical wellness. Cyndi was great, as always.

At my appointment, she verified that my baby had indeed moved down. I left my appointment and went straight to the house to let the new cleaners in. When I got there I realized I didn't have the key! Seriously this day was so stressful, but I knew I couldn't breakdown...maybe later, but not yet.

The new and better cleaners left around 4:30 p.m. and finished everything on my list! Hallelujah! That was definitely God answering my prayers! I sat down to take a break and talk about furniture arrangement with my mom and had a strong pressure wave (Hypnobabies lingo for contraction) that pulled me to my hands and knees. My mom said, "You're not in labor are you?" I laughed it off and said, "No!" Telling myself, I could not be in labor. Not today!

Shortly after I headed back to our old house. I did some more packing and our neighbors  helped us move our washer and dryer and bigger furniture. I thought my house was pretty clean until they started moving all the furniture. Then I wanted to cry. Giant dust bunnies and years of candy wrappers and lost toys suddenly appeared. This was going to be a lot of work cleaning this place!

The men kept asking me if I was okay and all they teased Jake for putting me through a move so close to my due date. I was having pressure waves, but I kept them to myself and convinced myself that they were coming from the stress of the day and that they would subside once this hectic day was over.

We packed my car to the brim and my brother-in-law showed up just in time. I asked him to drive my car because I was exhausted and I couldn't bear the thought of squeezing by giant belly behind the wheel again. I had a few pressure waves on the car ride back to the new house, but I kept my cool. Later my sister-in-law told me that he told her that he thought I'd have the baby that night. And here I thought I was playing it cool!

I knew I needed to go back to finish packing and clean the house, but the thought just overwhelmed me. For a split second I thought, maybe I'll have the baby tonight and I won't have to go clean. It was such a mess though, I couldn't have her tonight...I didn't want anyone to see my house like that!

I seriously only anticipated having my friends help me wipe down walls and dust door frames. I have the most amazing neighbors. They came to my rescue and finished packing and cleaning my entire house. It was such a humbling experience to have them help me. They are all such wonderful friends.  

When I got to our new house, I must have looked exhausted. My mom sent me to shower and go to bed. Thankfully I had set up the kids bathroom earlier that day and my mom had set up Jane's bed too and I just so happened to have some clean clothes to change into. I showered and tried to sleep, but the pressure waves seemed to pick up when I was lying down. I tried listening to some Hypnobabies tracks to put me to sleep, but the pressure waves just felt better when I was upright. It was concerning to me that I couldn't lie down through them, but I knew I couldn't focus on that. So since I needed a distraction, I went back downstairs to unpack and organize. I mostly just told people where to put things and would stop now and then to lean over the counter for a pressure wave.

Sam, Ben and Jane played with their cousins and explored the new house, since they hadn't seen it until that day. Someone finally put them to bed around 10:00 p.m. and then the house was quiet and dark. I walked into my room and my mom and brother-in-law were setting up my bed and putting clean sheets on it. I wanted to cry because it was just what I needed and I had totally forgotten that we might actually need to go to sleep that night. 

There were so many times throughout the day I just wanted to cry, but I kept praying that I could hold it together.

All this time I was still having pressure waves. I didn't time them though, because they didn't seem very consistent. Plus I had been having pressure waves on and off for weeks. That's just what my body typically does towards the end of pregnancy. I have tons of pressure waves that usually get me all excited. Sometimes I time them and they're regular. And sometimes they're strong enough that I get on my hands and knees or sit on a yoga ball. But then they just stop completely. It's all warm-up for my actual birthing time, so I usually try to just ignore them. It's just my body's way of preparing.

Jake was busy taking trips back and forth from the old house to the new house all day and we had only seen each other for short periods of time throughout the day. Now we were finally under the same roof again and it felt good to have him near. I could tell he was exhausted but he was still making me laugh.

Around 11:00 p.m. I kind of had a small inkling that I was actually in my birthing time when I sat down on the couch and I had to keep getting off the couch to get on my hands and knees when I'd have a pressure wave. I would talk and laugh through them though and then I would just get back on the couch and continue my conversation with my mom and Jake. But, I wouldn't let my mind go to the thought that this baby might actually want to come tonight. I really wanted to get the house more organized and a good night's sleep first!

Jake and I fell into bed around 12:30 a.m. and I fully expected the pressure waves to stop, like they had for the past few weeks. But they didn't! They kept coming and starting to feel really strong now. Then I started to panic! I couldn't have her now! Not tonight! I didn't even have my toothbrush, or my hairbrush. I had the birth kit, but no towels, no diapers. The pool was at Cyndi's. I felt so unorganized. I am an organizer and I felt like a wreck.

I called Cyndi at 1:00 a.m. in a total panic. I had been in denial all evening and now I had to face the fact that it was happening tonight! I called her and said I hadn't even been timing them so I had no idea how far apart they were or how long they were but that they were getting really strong and just felt "different." She must have thought I was nuts. I knew better. I should have had all the basic information ready for her. But I think a birthing woman can be allowed to act a little kooky, especially given the circumstances.

Cyndi told me she had to go to the Birth Sweet to get the tub liner. I told her I didn't care and that we were too tired to worry about setting up the pool. I could just give birth in the bath tub. Then I told her I was more concerned that I didn't have my toothbrush! She just laughed and told me she would bring me one.

She told me to take a bath to see if they calmed down. I thought, oh, good idea. Maybe that will get them to stop! I was thankful I had thought to bleach the tub earlier that day. I got in the tub, but the pressure waves weren't stopping. They were really strong.

I told Jake that I was fine and was just going to take a bath and that he should take a nap. He was snoring in seconds!  I knew he was exhausted from moving all day. I had the thought to ask our baby or God to just wait one or two more days...but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I had pleaded with this baby to stay in until we were in our new house and she had. I couldn't ask her to wait another day... she was so ready to come.

I woke Jake up, who had probably slept all of 15 minutes and I called my doula who is also my sister. She had been sick that day and I had no idea if she'd be well enough to attend my birth, but she said she was. I asked her to bring towels since those had been left at the old house. What an awesome doula and sister! She arrived around 1:30 a.m.

Then I called my mom. I knew she really wanted to be at the birth, but I still felt bad calling her back over just after she had left. She was so excited and quickly came back over. Then I promptly sent her back to the old house to get the baby's diapers and of course my toothbrush! I seriously had considered driving back over there myself, but I knew I had to just allow other people to help me. After I decided that, I just felt more calm and was able to accept that our baby was being born that night. I felt like it would all work out and that I just needed to allow things to just happen the way they were supposed to, even if it was not how I planned or envisioned.

The pressure waves just kept coming and I just kept waiting for them to get easier. They were just really strong and intense all over. Pressure waves with Jane and Ben were just different. They just seemed so much easier. I would just take a deep breath at the beginning of a pressure wave and turn my light switch off (Hypnobabies hypnotic tool) and get lost in the wave. They were easy. These felt soo different. A wave would start and I would wine and moan until about the peak and then I felt like I could breathe deeply again. I'm all about making noise in birth. Women just make better progress when they can make low deep noise. I knew I wasn't making the right kind of noise though. It was more of a whining moan and not deep, but I didn't care.

I had been listening to my Hypnobabies tracks since I got in the tub, but I longed to listen to my instrumental playlist. I had been listening to this playlist the past month in times of stress and I had taught myself to relax to the music. I had been practicing my Hypnobabies for much longer and I knew it was ingrained and that it would be there for me, so I asked Karen to turn on the instrumental playlist. Karen started repeating bits of mini Hypnobabies scripts, but I just wanted silence (I probably didn't say it so nicely, but a birthing woman can get away with grumpiness).

When I started to become vocal, Jake asked if we should call Cyndi. So I had him call her and she arrived around 2:30 a.m. Our houses are just up the street from each other, so she got there quickly. Soon after Lisa (Cyndi's assistant) and my mom arrived with diapers and my toothbrush. About this same time, I got out of the tub to go to the bathroom. The pressure waves were getting stronger and the tub just wasn't comfortable (I was surprised by this because I love the tub, but knew I needed to listen to my body). I sat on the toilet and Karen, Jake, and Cyndi would take turns sitting in front of the toilet holding me during my waves.

I got dressed and made my way to the floor by the bed. The pump on my birth ball was broken so the ball was not firm, so it didn't feel comfortable. Someone offered to go get another one, but I just wanted everything to settle down so I asked for a folding chair and I sat on that for a while between waves. I would stand and hold onto Jake during a pressure wave and this was my favorite position. I tried kneeling and hands and knees a few times while someone did counter pressure or the double hip squeeze, but standing while Jake held me felt the best. I felt like I was being so loud, I was so surprised that none of the kids woke up. But birthing women always think they're louder than they really are.

I made my way back to the toilet and had a few pressure waves there and Cyndi said that the baby might be posterior. It all seemed to make sense to me now! She had been hanging out on the right side for weeks. I would encourage her to move to the left, but she would always end back up on the right. From my doula experience I have found that babies tend to like to move in a clockwise motion. So sometimes when a baby starts a birthing time out in the ROA position they move into the OP position. It's often times more ideal to start on the LOA and move to OA. [To read more about baby positioning click HERE.]

That's why these pressure waves felt so different from my previous births. That's why the waves were so irregular and more intense and I felt so much more pressure in my bottom! It was all beginning to make sense now. I really didn't have the unending back labor that I always thought a posterior baby would cause. It was intense, strong, and even painful, but completely bearable. Thank you Hypnobabies! I hadn't listened to my tracks during the birth, but all the hypnotic suggestions were ingrained in me and helped me stay calm.

I lied down on the bed and asked Cyndi to palpitate my belly to confirm her position. She confirmed that she was a posterior, but on her way out of that position, and just needed to turn a little bit more. I immediately turned to my right side almost on my belly and had my team put pillows all around me. Everyone was talking and I had to hush them in my nicest laboring voice. I don't know how nice it came out, but I warned them all previously I might be a little grumpy this birth. I started talking to my baby silently. "Ok baby girl, I need you to move so you're facing my back with your chin tucked." This little girl is so obedient and she moved so quickly!

With Jake at my head and Karen at my side, I started to push a little with each wave. I didn't even have a chuck under me, so when I felt my water break at 4:12 a.m. I said, "My waters!" and my team quickly jumped into action! I still had my cute undies on and Cyndi quickly pulled them off and announced she could see her. Yay, sweet relief this was almost over! The urge to push was stronger now. I just wanted to push hard so I could be done. I remember thinking, I don't care if I tear, I just want to be done! But then the doula side of me wouldn't let that happen, no… it was probably my angels telling me, you're just stretching things out, slow down, ease her down.  Then another wave would come and I'd go back and forth in my mind again with the same thoughts.

A few minutes later her head was born. Lisa said, "Oh look, she has tons of hair! Enough for pony tails." I was so tired and just wanted to be done so I said to Cyndi, "Just pull her out!" Cyndi laughed and said that she wouldn't do that and that I could do it. I was so relieved when I finally pushed her out. It was 4:22 a.m. (And I didn't tear!) It was such a surreal feeling. I felt like I had been feeling her little spirit and movements for months. When I first saw her, I just saw this dark mass of hair and this little body cuddled up next to me. I thought, I should say something to her, this is an important moment, she's finally here. I want her to feel welcome. I said, something like, "Hi baby girl. We love you." I was so tired. I just hoped she felt loved, even if I didn't have something eloquent to say to her.

Lucy latched on quickly and started breastfeeding.  My mom made me a bowl of oatmeal and a big bowl of fresh peaches from her tree. In all the business of moving, I forgot that I hadn't even eaten since lunch, so it was delicious. I showered and then Cyndi did the newborn exam. Lucy was 7 lbs 5 oz and 20.5 inches.

Then she tucked me in bed and everyone left. It was around 6:30 a.m., but it was still dark outside. Jake and I were both so tired that we fell asleep really quickly. I put Lucy's on my chest and when I woke up about an hour or so later, she was the sweetest smell and sight to wake up. I was suddenly so refreshed and felt as if I had gotten a full night of sleep. Ben came in our room and saw the little baby rocker next to my bed and said, "When is the baby going to be born?" I told him to come up on the bed. He got all tender when he saw her and said, "Awww." And then he ran upstairs to wake up Jane so she could hold her first. I guess he thought Jane needed to hold her first. Then Sam woke up next and got to hold Lucy. Jackson had to wait to meet little Lu another day since he was still at scout camp.

After breakfast, as I was examining her closer and taking in every inch of her, I realized her hair was red. It truly looked brown when she was born because it was wet and matted down and I put a hat on her pretty quickly to keep her head warm (okay mostly to cover all the goo in her hair). I wanted to wait on washing it until she had nursed at least twice, so I hadn't noticed the night before. I quickly called my mom and told her to get over here quick. I needed her to wash her hair and verify that Lucy indeed had red hair and that it wasn't just wishful thinking. Oh what a sweet surprise that was!

Lucy's birth was amazing; it was fast, intense, and so special. Our house was in utter disarray, with boxes everywhere, but Lucy is the best house warming gift we could have ever received. Jake and I both can be perfectionists and we always like to have things orderly, so our little Lucy Mae is our sweet reminder that life doesn't have to be perfect or organized to be enjoyed, and that special, sacred, beautiful moments can be found in the chaos. And with five kids there's definitely lots of chaos! We feel so blessed to have another beautiful baby join our family and we just love our little red headed beauty.

Thank you to Brittany Stucki from My Framed Photography for taking our family pictures and for many of the beautiful photos on this website!

Haden's Birth

I want to add a few thoughts as it is posted on Kelly’s website for anyone looking into using Hypnobabies. My greatest piece of advice for anyone looking into different methods of childbirth would be to learn, learn, learn! It is empowering to learn what you can and then make an informed decision. When I learned about Hypnobabies it felt so good to me and it made so much sense. As I learned more about it, it felt better and better. However, for the first half of my pregnancy I was really nervous about the decision I had made to do a natural childbirth. Many of the things I read focused on the importance of relaxation when giving birth. With my first two births, I was so tense and so I questioned if women could really, truly relax while giving birth. It seemed impossible to me. When I was around 26 weeks the Hypnobabies classes that Kelly teaches began. As I learned and practiced the relaxation techniques I started to feel less and less nervous. By the end of the 6 classes I felt confident and excited for my upcoming birth. I don’t think that Hypnobabies is something that works for those who are only partly committed. It takes full commitment and dedication. It does take time every day to practice the techniques and tools, but it is so worth it. The practice really pays off. It felt so good to me to learn how to relax both my mind and body and it helped me to achieve my goals throughout pregnancy and childbirth.

Kelly was also very helpful as my doula. She answered many questions throughout my pregnancy. The morning of my birth was pretty intense and having Kelly’s support helped my husband and me so much. My labor went fast so she met us at the hospital and had the nurses ready. During my quick delivery she was by my side helping me to know what to do. After the birth she stayed for a while to help us get settled and answer any questions. She also came by our house a few days later and helped me with a few new breastfeeding positions.

I had a great experience giving birth and Kelly helped so much in helping me to achieve my goals. It was a great blessing to learn from her and to benefit from her God-given gifts.

Jenna and Haden’s birth story:

Giving birth is such a beautiful and sacred experience. When I started thinking about getting pregnant with my third child, it came with an intense desire to learn more about pregnancy, labor, and birth. My first two births were great, but both babies had a rough time moving through the birth canal even though I was fully dilated. This caused labor to be a pretty long process. I had epidurals with both of them so I didn’t actually mind the long labor, but it did leave me wondering if there was something I was missing. I believe there is always more than one right way to do something. We are blessed to live at a time where we have so many good options. I prayed to God that I would be able to figure out what would be the best option for me and my child.

Before I got pregnant this time, I wanted to have a better idea of what my options were for this pregnancy and birth. My sister-in-law was pregnant at the time and was going to classes at the library taught by her midwife. Anyone was welcome so I decided to go. The second class I went to was about different methods of childbirth. A few women gave their presentations on different services they provide and then a doula named Kelly Colvin got up to speak. I instantly felt a connection to her. As she spoke she was so calm and soft spoken yet she was confident. She taught about a Hypnobirthing called Hypnobabies. It all made so much sense and felt so right. When I left class there was no question in my mind: this is what I wanted to do and I wanted Kelly to be there as my doula. As I drove home I thanked God for answering my prayers in such a clear way.

A few months later I was pregnant and so excited. I knew I wanted to have my baby natural although it totally freaked me out. When I was 26 weeks the Hypnobabies classes started. I learned so much the next 6 weeks. I learned how to change my way of thinking. I learned how to think more positively. I learned how powerful our minds truly are. I learned how to deeply relax both my mind and body. Those 6 weeks were super busy with reading, listening to the assigned tracks, and practicing relaxation techniques every day. It was a lot of work but so worth it. By the end of the 6 weeks, I was no longer nervous. I was actually excited and confident that this was what I was meant to do.

I really wanted to make it as far along as possible with my 3rd baby because I had my first two quite early. From my classes I learned how powerful the mind is and so I told myself over and over that I would make it at least to November (my due date being November 12th). My doctor generally does a cervical check at week 36 but I asked him not to at this appointment and again at my next appointment because I felt like the checks got things progressing faster with my other pregnancies. At week 38 I felt fine about getting checked and I was at a four. The doctor said he would be surprised if I made it through the weekend (this was on Thursday, October 29th).

That Friday came and went. No baby. Saturday was Halloween. Since my goal was to make it to November, I felt fine about having him any time now. I went trick or treating with my kids knowing that if it did put me into labor it would be just fine at this point. Sure enough, I woke up that night with cramping. At 4:00 a.m. on November 1st my first pressure wave hit (Hypnobabies has some different lingo in hopes of only having positive connections with the words we use. One of those is pressure wave instead of contraction). I timed a few and they were about 5 minutes apart. I got up and put on some mascara and fixed my hair. After a little while my pressure waves started getting stronger. I laid on the couch and listened to a hypnobabies track. I went to my “special place” in my mind and felt confident and peaceful. My pressure waves were strong, but I felt like I was handling it great. Then my water broke and I thought, “Wow! That was the coolest feeling ever!” It was 5:30 a.m. now. I went upstairs and woke up my husband. He says I looked and sounded as though it was Christmas morning as I said, “Carlos! My water broke!” He got out of bed and got ready.

Read the rest of Jenna's birth story HERE.

The Birth of Greatness....A.K.A. Atticus

Un-medicated hospital  birth, St. George natural birth

I have always wanted to give birth naturally (and by naturally, I mean un-medicated, and with the absolute least medical intervention humanly possible).

Miles's birth was pretty much the opposite of that, and to be honest, it left me a little traumatized. I absolutely hate the feeling of being out-of-control (hence my major control issues) and there was maybe an hour during Miles's birth when I felt like me and my body was in control of what was happening. The rest of the time, I was hooked up to every stinking thing I possibly could be and felt very angry and out of control of the whole experience.

Needless to say, I wanted this time to be different. My cousin, Erin, had a little boy several months after Miles was born and had blogged about her use of "hypnobirthing" during his delivery. I didn't know much about hypnobirthing, but when we found out we were pregnant again *surprise!* I decided to do a little more digging to see if it was something I wanted to pursue.

After some research late in the pregnancy game, I settled on HypnoBabies (one specific form of hypnobirthing) and signed up for a class with an instructor who I also decided to use as my doula for the birth. The class was a six week course, once a week, for 3 hours. Wednesday quickly became my favorite day of the week: I got off work a little early, I got to spend a little extra time with Brett and Miles at my doctor's appointment, then I got to enjoy an evening of relaxation and learning things that would help me have the birth I'd always dreamed of.

Not only was HypnoBabies helping me feel prepared for birthing, it was changing the way I looked at things in general. I've mentioned my paralyzing pessimism in many previous posts. While HypnoBabies hasn't necessarily "cured" me of that particular malady, it has opened me up to a different way of viewing the world, and has helped me learn to focus more on what I want, rather than what I don't want (both birthing related, and non birthing related). 

I totally give HypnoBabies the credit not only for my amazing birth, but for my Gestational Diabetes being manageable, finding a perfect new car at the absolute perfect time, my negative Group B Strep status, and lower anxiety levels in general.

HypnoBabies had me actually excited to give birth. And not just excited to no longer be pregnant anymore (which I do have to admit, was also the case), but excited and empowered to do something incredible.

Despite my new found optimism, I still struggled a little bit there at the end... The last few weeks of pregnancy are always the hardest for me. I'm a mess of emotions about the upcoming birth. I'm terrified of all the unknowns, excited to finally have my body back to myself, nervous about my capabilities as a mother, and so on. I get really hung up on the timing and I hate that that is one major aspect of birth that I don't have any control over (I told you I was a control freak...). I struggled when February 4 (the day I officially qualified for my FMLA maternity leave at work) came and went. The closer and closer I got to February 17 (my actual "due date"), the more anxious I became.

I finally decided to just let go. I decided to focus on what I wanted. I convinced myself that I was going to have the most kick-ass birth, ever. And in the meantime, I decided to find things to do to keep me as happy and occupied as humanly possible, so I would quit focusing on how much I DIDN'T want to be pregnant anymore. Looking back, those last few days before the birth were actually full of some great final "before baby" bonding moments with Miles. We were able to get out of the house and explore and enjoy the amazing spring weather.

And so the rest of our story begins... Fair warning. If you think this post has been long so far, buckle up. Because although the one word I would use to sum up the birth of Atticus is FAST, my rendition of the story is anything but.

It all started with my first day back after work following my REALLY long weekend.You see, I spent Thursday night having a gall bladder attack and going to the hospital until 1 in the freaking morning. If you've never had a gall bladder attack before, well good for you. Eat right so you don't ever have to deal with one. I was in so much pain I just wanted to die. Being pregnant made it ten times worse...

I called in sick to work on Friday, which meant that I didn't work for 4 whole days because of the holiday on Monday... Going back to work on Tuesday was brutal. I kept telling myself that baby was going to be born before then and I had everything at work finalized to where everyone could pick up right where I left off without issue. I had very few things left to do at work to fill my time, so the hours just seemed to drag on...

 When I got home from work, we ate dinner and Miles was excited to finally make the cookies we’d been promising to bake all weekend. This was one of the things on my "pre-baby" to-do list: make cookies to share with the nurses. I had been holding out doing it until we got closer to my due date so they would be more fresh. I joked with Brett and Kelly (my doula) that if I'd have known that all I had to do was bake cookies to begin my birthing time, I would have done it a lot earlier!!

 After getting Miles to sleep, Brett and I started an episode of Gilmore Girls in bed while enjoying some cookies. I had some contractions that at times felt a little more serious, but since that had happened consistently for weeks, just to taper off after I fell asleep, I wasn’t about to get my hopes up. After the episode, I listened to my “Special, Safe, Place” HypnoBabies track and fell asleep. I woke up to turn it off, and noticed my clock said 11:08. I remember thinking to myself, that as much as I would love to have the baby tonight, I was pretty dang sleepy. I sent a little shout out to God that if it was going to happen tonight, to at least let me sleep a little bit, first.

 I woke up at midnight to the weirdest sensation. I felt like I had peed my pants, but knew that I hadn’t. As I was shuffling to get out of bed, I woke up Brett and told him that I thought my water had just broke, but wasn’t sure. As I got up, a bigger sort of gush happened, so I ran into the bathroom. It was pretty obvious at that point, and I started freaking out a little. I couldn’t stop the gushing, and it was so gross and weird feeling… I had Brett grab a bunch of towels, and after sitting in the bathroom for a few minutes, I finally made my way back into the bedroom. 

 Even though I hadn’t really noticed any contractions yet, I felt weird, almost “pushy,” and I was so confused. I was all sorts of paranoid that baby was going to be born extremely soon, and at home… I’d never had my water break before I got to the pushing stage, so it felt so foreign. I kept worrying that the umbilical cord or something would come slipping out. I knew that I wanted to labor at home as long as possible, but I hadn’t anticipated my water breaking until long after we were in the hospital. I knew if we called the doctor or hospital, they would tell us to come in right away. 

We quickly called Brett’s mom, knowing that regardless of how long we stayed at our house, we needed her to be on her way so she could watch and take care of Miles. She was supposed to go into work at 6 a.m., so she told us she’d have to find someone to cover her shift and she’d call us back soon. 

I called Kelly and asked her what I should do. She asked if I’d had any contractions, and since I hadn’t really noticed any since waking up, she suggested I try to sleep and get more rest. Well that wasn't about to happen! But I promised to keep her posted and to call as soon as I wanted her to come over and help. 

I seriously felt so out of control, because my water kept consistently leaking, and I couldn’t do anything about it. At one point, I tried changing my underwear and putting on a pad to absorb any more liquid that might come out. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. I just completely leaked through it with one big gush. The most comfortable position I got into was sitting on the edge of my bed (which I covered in towels) and leaning over and letting it drip on more towels on the floor.

 In the meantime, I kept asking Brett to bring me things, but the minute he’d go to leave the room to get it, I’d call back for him to stay by me, because I was freaking out. Brett’s mom ended up calling back and saying that she couldn’t find anyone to trade shifts with her, and because others at her work had already called in, she couldn’t just call in sick. 

 That made me freak out even more, and we quickly called Brett’s grandma to see if she could drive over from Cedar. I just kept worrying and thinking that we needed to get someone to our house ASAP to stay with Miles so we could go to the hospital quickly. I didn’t even really want to go to the hospital, because I wanted to labor at home and didn’t really “feel” like I was in real labor, anyway, but I was so concerned, nonetheless.

 After spending a lot of time giving his grandma directions to our house, I decided to call a friend I had just gone to lunch with on Tuesday afternoon to see if she could come sit at our house until Brett’s grandma got there, so we could leave for the hospital. I had felt the baby move a lot before going to sleep, and once briefly right after I woke up, but hadn’t noticed any movement, really, since. It was kind of worrying me, as “lack of fetal movement” was one of the main reasons you should go to the hospital after your water breaks. I wasn’t panicking, but still felt pretty nervous about it, and felt like I wanted to go in to at least get checked out and make sure baby was doing ok. 

 My friend didn’t answer her phone, so I texted another friend (who just had triplets) because previously she had texted me about getting up around midnight to pump for her babies who are still in the NICU. Luckily, she was awake, and when I asked if she could come sit at our house until Brett’s grandma arrived, she was totally willing.

I spent a few minutes trying to figure out a way to cover myself, while not really having a way to keep my amniotic fluid from leaking besides holding a towel under myself like a diaper, which left no room for wearing pants. I ended up settling on a tube top swimsuit cover up that was just long enough to cover my butt. Brett and I spent several minutes packing the last minute things into our hospital bags (mainly toiletries), and I wanted to put in my contacts, brush my teeth, and touch up my crazy hair, because I’m vain like that. KayLee got to our house at 1 a.m. and by then I was having consistent, though not very strong, contractions, so I started timing them. They were about every 2 minutes and lasted an average of 45 seconds long (some as short as 30 seconds, some as long as a minute).

Brett called Kelly back and asked her to come over, and said that I likely wanted to go in to the hospital soon. We continued to pack the bags. I also tried to figure out the best way to take a last “belly” picture before the big event, which turned out to be pretty difficult sans pants. None of them turned out very good, but I was so anxious about getting to the hospital, that I didn’t stress too much about it, like I normally would have.

I called the hospital to let them know I was coming. I asked if either of their natural birth rooms were available, and I was told that they were both being used. One was almost ready to be cleaned, but the nurse said she didn’t know how long it would be, and they wouldn't let me “call dibs” on it. That made me a little nervous, so I really wanted to get to the hospital soon to guarantee that room! We packed some snacks and finally left for the hospital at 2 a.m. 

We got into the car and I put my headphones in to start listening to my HypnoBabies “Fear Clearing” track. I was barely getting into it when Brett’s grandma called. I had to pause it to help Brett direct her to our house. Afterwards, I tried to listen again, but it was extremely hard to focus. The drive to the hospital felt like it took forever, and I was so uncomfortable in the car, crunched into an awkward position so as not to leak anything on the seat. We finally arrived, and Brett was still on the phone with his grandma. I kept telling him to hurry up and get off the phone so he could just be there for me.

We went back to labor and delivery where they took me to triage and hooked me up to the various monitors. The CNA tried finding baby’s heart rate on my right side with no luck. I was trying hard not to freak out, but I was getting a little nervous. She finally checked on the left side and found it right away. I was so relieved. 

My nurse, Sherri, came in shortly after. She was a sweet, older lady, who kind of reminded me of my Grandma Parry and Brett’s Grandma Beatty. She sat next to me on the bed and rubbed my leg as she asked me questions about what was going on, and how long it had been since I hadn’t noticed baby’s movement. I felt very safe and comforted. She was extremely patient and waited until my contractions were over to ask me anything or do anything. Every time I had contractions, Kelly read me some of the birth prompts from HypnoBabies while Brett held my hand and tickled me. My contractions weren’t extremely strong at this point, and felt pretty similar to the many “Braxton Hicks” that I’d been having for weeks on end.

I was checked for dilation and I was a 3 and about 80 percent effaced. I remember thinking “Really, I’m only a 3?!” With Miles I was “stuck” at a low number for SO long, and I did not want to spend forever and a day in labor at the hospital again. So when Sherri said they were ready to transfer me to the birthing room, I was tempted to ask if we could go home and labor awhile longer, now that we knew baby was doing well. Sherri let me know that the room they were moving me to was the natural birthing room, so I felt a little comforted and decided not to make a big fuss about going home just yet.

Once we got to the birthing room, I had to wait for the phlebotomist to come do some labs that the doctor had ordered. Meanwhile, Sherri hooked me up to the telemetry monitors so I could get in the bathtub immediately after. She said that due to my gestational diabetes, they wanted me to test my blood sugar every two hours, starting now. It was so nice the way she approached me about it. She asked if I was okay with doing it (making me feel like I could decline if I really wanted to) and she didn’t pressure me to use the hospital’s equipment—she said I could use my own meter if I wanted. That was one thing I had stressed about… that the hospital would want to do all sorts of (expensive) interventions because of my gestational diabetes. We told her the reading I got when I tested it at home after waking up, and then I took it again and got another normal reading.

While waiting for the labs, Brett went to the car and brought some of our bags in, including all my HypnoBabies stuff, the cookies we had made for the nurses, and my birth preferences. We gave our birth preferences to Sherri, taped our HypnoBabies sign on the door, and started up the relaxing music. For a few minutes, it was just me, Brett, and Kelly in the room, chatting it up. I looked up at the clock and commented about how it was already almost 4 in the morning. Brett said something about being a little tired, and I was like, “Not me! I’m wide awake!” After they drew my blood, Sherri started filling the tub. I was so excited to get in and quickly changed into my swimsuit. The water felt AMAZING and it was so much more relaxing to be in the tub during contractions.

I remember being somewhat annoyed at how slow the tub was filling up. It seemed to take FOREVER. I just wanted to finally feel settled so I could relax and start my “Fear Clearing” track over again, then listen to my other favorite track: “Deepening.” 

There were moments that I started feeling a little overheated, so Kelly went and got me some cold washcloths to put on my forehead. At some point, she also put some lavender essential oils on a washcloth to hold under my nose. It made me feel like I was just at home taking a relaxing bath before bed. She and Brett also brought me my ice water to keep me hydrated.

After a little while, Sherri came back in to adjust the baby’s heart rate monitor because it had slipped around during contractions. She was having trouble getting it to stay on my belly with the straps that were on it, so she left to get some new ones. Around that time, my contractions started getting much stronger and I even had a couple that were back to back. I made a comment to Brett and Kelly at some point about not getting a break to rest in between.

I even thought to myself during a few contractions “I can’t do this… it's too much.... maybe I should just get an epidural so I can lay down and relax…” But then, with all of my HypnoBabies positive affirmations training, I changed my mind. “I CAN do this!”

My contractions were definitely starting to feel painful. I kept asking Brett and Kelly to push down hard on my shoulders as they used my “relax” cue, and I became really vocal and loud through my contractions. At that point, Kelly had used a lot of cues about my “birthing waves being very powerful” and I kept thinking, “Man, I don’t want to think about them being powerful! I don’t even want to think about them at all, I just want to freaking relax, already!” As my contractions kept getting more intense, I finally was able to vocalize that I needed something different. I changed positions and got onto my knees with my arms over the edge of the back of the tub where Brett was. I asked Kelly to use the cues that counted me down deeper into hypnosis during my contractions. I also asked her and Brett to start using counter pressure on my back.

After a couple minutes, I was still uncomfortable in that position, so I stayed on my knees and moved over to face the wider part of the tub by the little “door.” After a few minutes of contractions this way, I started feeling like I was pushing involuntarily and told Brett and Kelly that I felt like I was pooping. Kelly reassured me that it was just baby moving lower and getting ready. Brett asked if he should go get the nurse and I kept telling him no. I remember thinking there was no way I was getting out of the tub to be checked for dilation, because I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of getting back into the tub afterward (and I knew I felt most comfortable being in the water at that point). I thought there was no way I was fully dilated that fast (it really hadn’t been long at all that I had been having the more intense contractions, even).

After several pressure waves where I felt my body pushing on its own, I finally sort of relaxed and went with it, instead of tensing up. I kept telling Brett and Kelly over and over “I’m pooping! I’m pooping! I’m pretty sure I’m pooping!” After a few minutes, I actually felt a little bit of relief from the pain of the contractions, though they were still pretty intense. I was still pretty vocal and kept asking Brett and Kelly to push on me harder.

I kept trying to use my “peace” cue in my mind (which is all about directing your hypno-anesthesia to the parts of your body that need it), but was still struggling. I finally just started saying “peace” out loud to myself, though it sounded more like an angry and fast “PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE, PEACE!” Brett and I laughed about it later, because even in the moment I knew I sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it was the only thing that was helping me get through each pressure wave. That and biting my own hand.

After a little bit longer of me doing that, Kelly went to go get Sherri because I kept telling her and Brett that I was pushing and didn’t know what to do. Sherri came in and started draining the tub so I could get out. It took forever to drain, and I remember standing up to get out a couple times, only to have pressure waves that were strong enough to get me back down in the water for relief.

The contractions were still strong and kept happening pretty close together, making it really hard to get out. I could tell in her voice that Sherri was concerned about getting me out quickly. She kept saying, “Alright, we have to get you out so I can check you.” I was almost annoyed, and kept thinking, “I’m trying, I’m trying!”  As I was getting up and out, I started realizing that even though it felt like I was just pooping, I really was pushing baby, and he was really close to coming out! I had a contraction right after I got out of the tub, and I was fully convinced he was going to pop out before the doctor could even make it. “He’s coming, he’s coming!” I kept saying.

Sherri had me take off my swimsuit bottoms and I crawled onto the hospital bed on all fours, butt in the air for all to see. I'm sure that was a pretty picture. Sherri kept trying to get me to turn over on my back so she could check me and call the doctor. With each contraction and involuntary “push”, I knew baby was literally about there, so I told her I thought she just needed to call the doctor. She was finally able to help me get onto my side to check me. Brett said she put her hand down there, only to quickly whisk it away and run out the door.

Everything after that was really a blur. I stayed on my side and just kept pushing with each of my contractions (not purposefully… there was just nothing I could do to keep my body from doing it on its own).  I vaguely remember a few more people coming in and out of the room quickly with things to prepare for the birth. At one point, my contractions stopped completely and I said out loud, “I just want to rest for a minute.” Kelly told me to go ahead and rest, so I just laid there for a minute, trying to relax and catch my breath. After what felt like just a minute, contractions and pushing were back and getting intense. I stayed on my side, my hands completely gripping the rail of the bed, facing Brett who was standing next to me on the right side. I kept saying over and over “He’s coming, he’s coming!”

The doctor came in as I was having a contraction and I remember yelling “Help, help, help!” as I pushed. I felt an intense burning/stinging/pulling sensation as his head was starting to come out. I felt the doctor’s hand (or what I’m assuming was his hand) as I was pushing, which made things down there almost feel worse. I vaguely remember the doctor telling me to keep pushing, and I said something like, “I can’t push right now, and what you are doing really hurts!”

After a minute or two, I heard one of the nurses say, “The head is out.”  During another pressure wave, I pushed and the rest of his body followed. It was such a relief to be done with the pushing. I asked if I could hold baby, and I had to adjust and turn onto my back so they could put him on my chest. He was crying a lot and Brett and I were just in awe of everything that just happened. I wasn’t sure what time it was, so I looked at the clock and asked what time he was born, to be told by Brett that it was 5:21. Brett said he had been eying the clock and wondering if this little guy was going to be born the exact same time as Miles. Not quite, but within two minutes of each other! That was kind of funny.

Overall, I was just so incredibly shocked at how fast everything went. It seriously felt like I had only been in the tub for like 20 minutes. I think it took me several hours after the birth to fully be hit with the realization that "I just had a baby!" and that things couldn't have gone any more perfectly.

Looking back at the whole experience, things didn't exactly go according to my "plan." I never expected my water to break before getting to the hospital. I didn't expect to have a hard time getting someone to our house to stay with Miles. I didn't expect spend my entire labor at the hospital. Heck, I didn't expect the nurses and hospital to be so supportive of my birth preferences! Yet, everything ended up falling into place so beautifully. The only thing I was ever hooked up to was the belly monitors (which I didn't mind). No Hep-lock, or anything! Woot woot!

I definitely couldn't have done it without Brett, Kelly, and HypnoBabies. Even though I didn't exactly feel "relaxed" during my entire birthing time (like I was hoping), the tools I had because of HypnoBabies helped me get through the times that became difficult. And in reality, the only two times I felt "pain" during my labor were for a short time when my contractions got intense right before I started pushing (when I momentarily considered an epidural), and during the actual pushing. And to be honest, both of those moments were just that... moments. As intense as they were, they were also over before I knew it.

Brett asked me later, if I had the chance to try and do it naturally again, if I would. My answer: Absolutely! HypnoBabies made a believer out of me. I seriously wish I would have had it with Miles. I just want to scream from the rooftops about how much I love it. In fact, even after the birth, I've told Brett that I've had moments where I want to keep listening to my relaxing tracks at night.

So there you have it. The birth of greatness... aka Atticus.