I always encourage my clients to communicate with their babies in pregnancy. This can be out loud or if that feels awkward, then silently. Your baby can still hear and understand you as he or she grows in your womb. An example of this might be, “Baby, we love you and are so excited that you are joining our family.”
Both women and their care providers can practice communicating with babies. Several years ago, I attended a birth of a woman whose baby was crowning, but taking a lot of time to come out. Her midwife realizing that the baby was presenting with his hand next to his head, simply said, “Baby, can you move your hand?” The baby immediately moved his hand and was born moments later. This of course is a story with quick, dramatic results, but even still we can ask our babies, “What do you need from me to help you to be born in the safest way?” It takes practice, but we can learn to hear what our babies are communicating back to us.
We might get into the habit of talking to our babies in utero, but let’s continue the habit when they are born. Let me paint a scenario for you. Let’s say you were lying in bed and someone came up to you and lifted your legs up over your head. What would your reaction be? You’d probably be shocked and protest loudly! Isn’t this what we do to babies every time we change their diaper? What would happen if we took a moment to tell our baby that we were going to change his diaper, that it would only take a minute or two and then he would be clean and dry and feel more comfortable. Try it and see how your baby responds.
Here’s another example. How would you feel if someone just put you in the car and started driving? You’d probably loudly protest, wanting to know where you going and when you would get there. Start talking to your baby anytime you are about to do anything to your baby, take your baby anywhere, or leave your baby with a sitter.
Let’s think for a moment about medical procedures. Having a doctor, nurse, or other medical care provider do anything to a baby that might cause discomfort definitely deserves explanation. For example, when I took my daughter to have a blood test at the doctor’s office, I told her, “the doctor is going to poke your heel with a needle and squeeze some blood out. Mommy is going to be right here. It will only take a few minutes and then I’m going to pick you back up and snuggle you close.” Guess what, my daughter did not cry at all during the procedure. I’m not saying that babies won’t ever cry once you start talking to them, things might still cause discomfort and crying is their only way of communicating. However, when we talk to our babies we are communicating to them that they are important and valued and isn’t that what we all desire at our core—to know that we are important and valued, especially by those we love?
Talking to our babies is an important skill and habit we can begin in utero. Then as our children grow, we will be learning how to best communicate with them and their unique communication style. This is such a valuable asset in our relationship with our children that will last a lifetime.
For more information on baby awareness, psychologist Dr. David Chamberlain dedicated much of his life’s work to study and write about babies awareness. You can read more in his books, Windows to the Womb and The Mind of Your Newborn.
Kelly Colvin, HCHI, HCHD